Remembering

It’s been four weeks since Molly died. I miss her every single day.

It’s the firsts that trip me up, and after a month, we’ve gone through most of them. The first time I left for work without kissing her head and saying “be a good girl.”  The first time alone in the house at night without her.  The first walk down to the river without her.  I’m adjusting, healing.  It’s good.

And then we went on vacation.

Don’t get me wrong, vacation was awesome. Our best trip to St. Martin so far (and I promise to post stories and pictures soon), but last Friday was the first time we came home from a trip and weren’t greeted by her.  That night, Luke unlocked the front door and I fully expected to hear her excited, dancing paws on the wood floor.  But she wasn’t there.  She’s not here anymore.  It hit me all over again.

The next morning, aching with grief, I couldn’t wake up.  I didn’t want to get out of bed.  Then I remembered that I had mail to pick up.  The day after we brought Molly home to bury her, I needed to find a way to commemorate her, to keep her with me always.  I went to Etsy and found the perfect thing: a ring with her name on it from Kathryn Reichert Jewelry. I had gotten an email in St. Martin saying that it had been shipped.

(I truly hope that the only people reading this are those who have been fortunate enough to have loved a pet with all of their heart, because otherwise I’m sure I’ll be taken for some pathetic, melodramatic sad-sack.)

Anyhow, my ring was there at the post office, waiting for me (with six other packages and a stack of mail, it was a good week for Christmas shopping).  I put it on right there in the parking lot and haven’t taken it off since.  I look at it now and I think of her.  She’s with me always.

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