Recluse

(These peonies have nothing to do with anything, really. I just love them and am very jealous of them. They’re growing like mad outside of the barn at our friends’ house. Friends we visited this weekend…so hey, these buds might actually pertain to this story. Read on and decide for yourself.)

You’re all going to think I’m nuts when I tell you this, but in the course of a normal week, I generally only speak to one human being each day.

At my job I have only one other coworker who is frequently out of the office.  No one calls on the phone, I communicate with all of my work contacts via email. I email my mom, I keep in touch with friends on Facebook.  Luke is gone to work when I get up in the morning and he’s sleeping when I get home.  I talk to him on the phone for a bit in the morning when he gets home from work, but other than that, I generally only talk to Molly.  This is sad, I know.  But I don’t mind.

I’ve gotten used to being alone.  I don’t have to worry about saying anything stupid to anyone and feeling like a dork.  I can live in my uniform of yoga pants and tank tops and no one cares.  I can watch what I want on TV and do what I want, when I want.  I get a lot done!  But there are some drawbacks, I’m realizing.

This past weekend we had plans to visit with friends for a barbecue on Saturday and a graduation party on Sunday.  After each party I realized that I was flat-out exhausted.  I was overstimulated, my throat hurt from talking, and I was ready to crash on the car ride home.  How pathetic.  I’ve also noticed that after my weekly Monday night visit to my sister’s house where we gab all evening, on the ride back home, my jaw aches and I feel like I’m losing my voice.  Once again: pathetic.

So what do I do about this?  I joined a new yoga class a while back, thinking that might help by forcing me to get out, but I realized that other than a quiet “Namaste” at the end of class, I don’t speak a word the whole time I’m there.  I recently reconnected with a friend from high school and she’s been dragging me out of the house, which has been great, but now I feel like I’m not getting enough done at home.  Socializing is ruining my productivity.  But productivity was turning me into a mute recluse.  What to do?  Surely blogging about it in silence from the solitary confinement of my home is the first step.

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2 Comments

  1. as long as you have no regrets and can be a happy,healthy,positive member of society your are a success. just my opinion 🙂

    Reply

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