Looking down at my hand, I realize that I’ve been wearing my wedding band and engagement ring in the wrong order all day. They seemed right when I put them on this morning but some days I just can’t remember which way they’re supposed to go. This is just one of the many simple tasks which I fail to master that remind me that my brain, it is broken.
I can memorize song lyrics, long strings of numbers, and inconsequential bits of trivia, but at least once a week I stand frozen in the bedroom trying to remember which hand my wedding rings go on.
For nearly seven years our bedroom furniture has been the same. Luke and I share a dresser and for some reason, we alternate drawers. The top drawer is for his socks and undies, the second is for my pants, the third is his shirts, the fourth is my shirts, and the bottom drawer we both have shorts and bathing suits in. Typing this out, it is perfectly clear to me. I know where everything is, I put it all there, but hand me a stack of laundry to put away and I will inevitably stare blankly at the dresser trying to remember which drawer Luke’s shirts go into.
If I sit down and think about it outside of the situation, I can remember how everything works, but stand me in front of the sink and I can’t remember which way you turn the faucet for hot water. I don’t remember which way you turn the key to open my car door, or if the bright orange indicator on the inside door lock of my car is saying that the door is locked or unlocked. Looking at the glass doors outside of my office, I can’t remember if the horizontal handle is telling me that I need to push or pull. These things drive me – or possibly have driven me – insane.
The worst thing is that I over think these things trying to figure out a rational answer. If I need to remember a person’s name, I come up with some little rhyme or saying to help me remember. Our neighbor’s wife that we all call Mémère because we can’t remember her name? Her name is Jean and she always wears jeans – that’s easy. Our friends’ twin boys names Jonathan and David? David is the one with the dark hair – David, dark: two d-words. Easy, these things make sense. But look at a doorknob and tell me why on earth the door is unlocked when the lock is in the horizontal position – the position that looks like a minus sign? Minus as in negative. Negative like NO! you will not enter.
The same goes with that orange indicator on my car door locks. It’s a red-orange like a stop sign which tells me STOP! Do not enter! Meaning the door is locked. Only that’s wrong. The orange is telling me it’s unlocked. THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.
I’ve managed to remember “lefty loosey, righty tighty” except that to open (ie. “loosen”) a door, you turn it “righty”.
If I ruled the world, these things would be standardized. They would make sense. What I want to know is why I seem to be the only person having trouble with these things? Has no one else wondered why taps with a separate hot and cold handles turn in opposite directions toward each other when clearly they should BOTH turn lefty-loosey?? Again, this makes no sense at all! I think I need to go lay down.