Needs Improvement

So, I’ve been trying to train my cat.  I know, go ahead and laugh.  Its just that we’ve reached the breaking point where, if she doesn’t straighten out her act, I may just toss her in the trash compactor. Not really. Although sometimes I think about it.  No, not really.

I know that she’s smart, the problem is that she also knows she’s smart and she’s messing with me.

The problem I have with her is the going-out-the-door-when-I-open-it-not-ten-minutes-after-its-been-opened-for-you-your-highness problem.  She will howl – no, actually howl isn’t even the right word. She bellows, she screeches, she makes a noise like “reeEEEEOOOOWWWwwwww” as she walks up and down the hallway (my favorite time for this would be 3am) to tell me that she wants to go outside.  I get up, stumble out of bed, stagger down the hall, unlock the locks, open the door that she is SITTING IN FRONT OF, and she will trot away in the opposite direction.  Or stand there, frozen. She does this EVERY TIME.  And she asks to go out a lot.

I decided that, if I can train my dog to come back to the house by giving her treats when she comes in, I can train my cat to go outside by giving her treats when she walks out the door.  I bought a can of Pounce treats and started by waving one in her face, then tossing it out the door.  She immediately ran outside.  Score!  I did this a couple more times and was about to congratulate myself, but first I thought I’d try to see if she’d go out without a treat now that she knows that crossing the threshold isn’t such a scary thing.  The little jerk laughed at me.  Well, if she could laugh, she would have.  She definitely smirked.

I went to the door empty handed and opened it, she sat down three feet from the door and glared at me.  I picked up the can of Pounce, she popped up and skipped over to the door.  Little wench.  Now she won’t even come near the door if I’m not holding the Pounce in my hand.  I want to kick her.

She also is the only one in this house who sheds and she chooses to shed in the most irritating of places.  The back of the couch cushions, my office chair, the pillows of the guest bed.  I tried putting a blanket on the couch, she pushed it off.  I put a pillowcase on my chair, she climbed under it.  I put a cat bed lined with soft fleece on the guest bed and she actually curled up in it!  I felt triumphant.  No more nasty patches of black cat hair on the pillows.  Of course, these pictures are of Miss Kitty, languidly enjoying the soft, comfy pillows of the guest bed while laying RIGHT NEXT TO the cat bed so we can see how well this plan is working.

This is the same little vindictive kitten who used to look us in the eye as she swatted our things off the windowsills and side tables if we didn’t play with her enough.  She is 8lbs of pure evil, wrapped in a cute, fuzzy kitty package.

Oh hey! Guess who’s howling to go out now… what a surprise.

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