My friend Melissa and I share the love of many things including tattoos, G. Love, and of course, Jason Statham. Well Melissa, this post is for you.
Netflix tells me this morning that not only is there going to be a second Crank movie (because there wasn’t enough absurdity in the first one), but there’s also a Transporter 3 in the works. My day is looking up now.
Not familiar with the Crank or Transporter movies? You’re really missing out. They all star our favorite grumpy action hero, Jason Statham, in a ridiculously improbable plot involving an army of bad guys who must be defeated by just one man. The best part? He always wins. The epitome of Jason Statham awesomeness in a movie scene has got to be in The Transporter. He beats a room full of baddies by coating himself in motor oil and strapping bike pedals to his feet so he has traction to move about, but the bad guys can’t grab a hold of him. Ridiculous, but enjoyable. I probmise.
Speaking of ridiculous, here’s what we have to look forward to. This is the highly realistic synopsis of Crank 2: High Voltage, courtesy of netflix.com:
After surviving the brush with death that ended the first Crank film, top assassin Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) returns in this action-packed sequel to track down a ruthless Chinese mobster who has stolen his most prized possession: his heart. As the talented hit man scours Los Angeles for his enemy, he must continually jolt the mechanical ticker that beats within his chest — otherwise, he’s dead.
They steal his heart… yeah. But I bet he’ll at one point fight shirtless using dental floss and his right shoe and beat a gang of ninjas. And that’s why I’ll be there watching it when it’s released in 2009.
And maybe I’ll watch The Death Race, too. Just because it sounds even more ridiculous than Crank 2:
Jason Statham stars in this futuristic thriller as Jensen Ames, an ex-con turned speedway champion who’s framed for a grisly murder and forced to compete in a grueling three-day televised car race against his fellow inmates. Sitting behind the wheel of a monster car outfitted with machine guns, flamethrowers and grenade launchers, Ames is in the race of his life — and the whole world is watching.
Sounds perfect. Can’t wait.