Picky

I’ve mentioned before my deep, abiding love for both A Miracle on 34th Street and It’s a Wonderful Life, and especially my love for the Lux Radio Theater productions of both shows which I listen to over and over each Christmas, but for some reason this year, listening to both shows for the 500th or so time, I’ve started to notice things.  Picky little things. Maybe I just have a case of the bah humbugs, I don’t know. You tell me what you think.

(This is assuming that you’ve seen the movies at least once before. If you haven’t yet, please stop everything you’re doing and go watch them now, Miracle on 34th Street is even available on Netflix streaming so you have no excuse.)

OK, so Miracle on 34th Street… the basic premise is that a nice, old man named Kris Kringle believes he’s Santa Claus (because he IS!) and has to go to court to keep from being committed because of this belief. His friend and lawyer, Mr. Gailey is charged with defending Kris and proving that he isn’t insane, despite the fact that he believes himself to be Santa Claus.

Now here is my issue: Mr. Gailey admits to having no idea how to prove that Kris isn’t insane, yet when Mr. Sawyer, the psychologist who caused this hearing to be held in the first place, offers to drop all of the charges, let Kris go, and pretend it never happened, Mr. Gailey chooses to go on with the hearing anyhow. WHY? This makes no sense. Of course it makes for a great story, but still, I have an easier time believing that reindeer can fly than believing that a lawyer with no defense plan would choose to go to court rather than have his case dismissed.  The case he isn’t being paid for.

BAH HUMBUG!

And then we have It’s a Wonderful Life. I love this movie. I think I would have had a big crush on Jimmy Stewart if I’d been a teenager in the 40s. But there are a few things that gnaw at me every time I listen to the story. The basic premise of It’s a Wonderful Life is that a man named George Bailey is at his desperate wit’s end on Christmas Eve and decides that everyone’s lives would be better if he were dead. His guardian angel, Clarence, is sent to help him see that his life is worth living, which he does by showing George what everyone’s life would have been like if George had never been born.

So here’s my problem… in one scene George mentions how much money he makes at his job: $45 per week.  That equals $2,340 per year. Fine, so then in the scene where George has just gotten married and is heading away on his honeymoon, he and his new wife, Mary, have $2,000 in cash on them for their trip. Where did this come from?  This is nearly a year’s salary, it would be like a young couple taking off today with $25,000 in cash for their honeymoon. Does that really happen? Did I just invite the wrong guests to my wedding?

My other issue is with the book Tom Sawyer, which Clarence, the guardian angel, has in his pocket. Brace yourselves, this one involves some math.  Clarence tells George that he is 293 years old—I’m not sure if that is his living years plus his angel years, or just his years as an angel, but let’s say conservatively that it’s living plus angel years.  Maybe he died when he was 70, that means that he died 223 years before he met George.  I’m not certain of the exact year the movie was supposed to be set in, but it was released in 1947, so let’s go with that.  That would mean that Clarence died in 1724.  Tom Sawyer was published in 1876.  How would Clarence—in heaven—get a copy of Tom Sawyer?  Are there bookstores in heaven? I hope so. At one point he comments on how he’s sorry he isn’t wearing something more current, he’s wearing the clothes he died in. Following that logic, he must have carried in his pockets whatever he had on him when he died, right?

BAH HUMBUG!

I know I’m supposed to suspend logic when I watch movies, especially black and white movies from the 40s, but for some reason I can’t seem to let those little things go. Maybe I need a candy cane. Don’t worry, though.  It won’t ever stop me from loving them. Now you just wait for what I have to say about Frosty the Snowman…

Love

You know what I love? I love my iPhone. I can’t even put this under the What I Love category because it’s so much more than a great musician or floor cleaner.  This is the ultimate.  It’s an iPhone.

I knew I’d like an iPhone but I didn’t realize how much I’d LOVE it.  I was jealous from the beginning that AT&T and then Verizon had the iPhone and I was a loyal Sprint customer left to carry around both a phone and an iPod while pining over all the pretty iPhones everyone else had. Until this past October, that is! That’s when the the iPhone came to Sprint and I got up early and waited in line like all of the other fools to get my little mitts on a beautiful iPhone 4S.

I was worried, at first, and I’m still not entirely comfortable with paying extra for the data plan.  That’s something I never had with my old phone, but the longer I use my iPhone and the more handy-dandy it proves itself to be, the easier it is to pay that bill.

When the world ended for that brief while in October (the SNOWPOCALYPSE 2011 and ensuing statewide power outage) my iPhone proved itself to be worth every penny as I checked in hourly on the CL&P site for restoration updates. I streamed podcasts through one of my new apps so I could listen to something other than my own frustrated breathing while the power was out. It allowed me to vent on Twitter and Facebook and play Words With Friends to take my mind off the cold.  It was my connection to the outside world and I would have paid a million dollars for it. (I just about did when my screwed-up-six-ways-to-Sunday bill came in for October, but we won’t talk about that.)

Love, pure love. And I haven’t even gotten to Siri. She’s is my personal assistant who responds to voice commands to send texts and add items to my calendar.  She looks up things online and tells me how many centimeters in an inch, if I ask.  She also scolds me when someone new learns about her and inevitably wants to sexually harass her. (Just so you know, if you tell her that you’re horny, she gives you a list of adult stores and strip joints nearby, but if you ask her what she’s wearing, she says “LISA, I think you have the wrong assistant.”)

The GPS gave us instant directions on the go one day when we were in the woods of Coventry trying to find a place to launch the boat. The camera is amazing—better than my actual point-and-shoot camera from only a couple of years ago. The sound is so incredible that you don’t even need speakers. I can’t say enough about it.

There is a problem when you love a delicate piece of technology as much as I love my iPhone, though.  I have repeated nightmares about losing it and having it stolen. Last weekend my heart skipped several beats when I missed the pocket of my purse and dropped it right onto the concrete floor (phone was fine, case broke, THANK GOODNESS). So a little iPhone anxiety for a whole lot of convenience and awesomeness. I’d say it’s totally worth it.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

May you have a perfect day, and a million more after that!  Love, Lisa

Source: Uploaded by user via Nikki on Pinterest

An Update!

Get ready to celebrate. I may have found the solution to Alice Cooper Eyes. After months of whining and complaining and wringing my hands, I finally did what I should have done in the first place.  I asked someone at Sephora.  Some very cute boy with very long eyelashes told me to stop blaming my mascara and start looking at the remover I was using.  I told him it was Sephora brand and he shuddered. He pointed me directly toward the Makeup Forever display and handed me a bottle of Sens’Eyes.

Cute Boy told me to massage it into my eyelashes, then wipe it off with a cotton pad and all of my worries would be washed away.  He was right.  Despite the random apostrophe and strange name that hurts my Sens’Eyes, this stuff is amazing. It’s a bit pricey, but it only takes a small dab to get rid of all the black gunk so it seems like this bottle of miracle cream will last me for quite a while. It’s a Christmas miracle!

Please Help Me

I have a problem that might be a mascara issue, or maybe an eye makeup remover problem. Either way, it drives me crazy on a daily basis and I am in serious need of some advice. The problem?  I call it Alice Cooper Eyes.

I don’t wear a lot of mascara—maybe a quick brush or two just to separate my lashes. I even buy the good stuff. Right now I’m using a Smashbox mascara, for Pete’s sake. But each night I use eye makeup remover, then an all-over makeup remover, then I take a shower, step out, look in the steamy mirror, and I have Alice Cooper Eyes.  Big, black streaks of leftover mascara running down under my eyes. I use more eye makeup remover to get rid of it, head to bed, and wake up with… you guessed it: Alice Cooper Eyes. The mascara, where is it coming from???

All that I wear on my eyes is a light tan shadow and a few strokes of black mascara, so it has to be the mascara that’s the problem.  I only buy non-waterproof mascaras. I’ve used Benefit (the WORST for Alice Cooper Eyes), Too Faced, and now Smashbox, but they all left me streaky.  I even switched to Sephora’s waterproof eye makeup remover, thinking that it might remove more mascara than the non-waterproof remover.  But, no. I still end up looking terrifying. What am I doing wrong?  Please tell me. What mascara do you use? Do you suffer from chronic Alice Cooper Eyes, too? HELP!

Goodbye November

I’ve never much cared for November. Just like its early-spring counterpart, March, November is generally gray, and ugly, and muddy, and really I’d prefer that it didn’t exist. Except for that one day the other weekend when we spent an afternoon playing in the leaves with our neighbors and their granddaughter. I haven’t done that in so long, I really don’t remember ever doing it before. Molly was skeptical that this was “fun” and not “flailing around to signal danger”, but we managed to convince her that we were fine and that she should sit still for a picture or two.

Leaf-jumping fun aside, I’m so ready for December. My Christmas shopping is almost done and we’re going to cut down our tree this weekend…goodbye November, let the December celebrations begin!

What’s Cooking?

We are only a few days post-Thanksgiving and the last thing you probably want to think about is cooking, but I want to share with you these three recipes I’ve made recently that are so easy, you could make them in your sleep.

No. 1: Roasted Brussels Sprouts

This recipe from the November 2011 Cooks Illustrated looked too simple to call it a recipe, but it was requested for Thanksgiving, so I gave it a try. It did not disappoint. Basically three ingredients, 20 minutes, Brussels sprout perfection.

1 stalk fresh Brussels Sprouts
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon water
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Cut your sprouts off the stalk, wash them, and cut them in half. Toss them with the oil, water, salt, and pepper, then spread on a baking sheet and cover tightly with foil. Bake at 500 degrees for 10 minutes, remove foil, toss sprouts around on the pan, and bake for an additional 10 minutes. They will be perfect, I promise.

No. 2 Pancake Mix

Now, we’re generally a Jiffy Mix/Bisquick family when it comes to making pancakes and waffles, but this weekend, when we wanted pancakes and had no lazy mix on hand, I found this recipe on AllRecipes.com for Fluffy Pancakes. The name is not a lie.  The recipe uses basic ingredients that should be in your kitchen, it comes together in minutes, and it truly made the most fluffy, delicious pancakes I’ve ever had at home.  I will be making this recipe again and again.

No. 3 The Easiest, Most Delicious Soup Ever

This soup needs new name but I never know what to call it. Cheap, easy, no measuring, guaranteed deliciousness, anyone can make it… it’s the Easiest, Most Delicious Soup Ever. Sometimes I add frozen tortellini, sometimes I switch up the meat and use tiny meatballs or crumbled sausage, this weekend I dumped in a couple of big spoonfuls of cottage cheese at the end – you can’t screw it up.

1 package frozen spinach
1 large can chopped tomatoes
1 pint chicken broth
1/2 package Polish kielbasa, diced
1 cup small pasta, uncooked
Parmesan cheese for serving

In a large pot, add spinach, tomatoes, broth, and kielbasa. Heat over medium-high until the liquid boils and the spinach block defrosts. While water is still boiling, add pasta and cook until tender. Lower the hear to a simmer and add more broth if the soup is too thick for your taste. Serve in steaming bowls topped with Parmesan cheese.

There, now you have no excuse for ordering takeout tonight. Bon appetit!